I Have to Explain to Others

Last night I had a lot on my mind. We had some friends lose their baby. Yes! their son who was a mere 2.5 months old and thousands of miles away. I guess the reason why I am posting this because as I have been involved in the adoption community for almost two years, I think we must educate those who aren't aware of the way our pregnancies work or how we become parents. First, one must realize from the time we put in an application we are expecting a child. Not in the sense that we carry a baby in our womb but in our hearts. Our pregnancies may last longer than nine months; in some rare occurrences they go a little faster. We do not get to hear a babies heart beat on a sonogram we instead chase paper to help bring our child home faster. I guess why I am saying all this is because in the short amount of time I have joined the adoption community I have seen friends from this community near and far experience the ultimate sadness; the loss of their child through death. Over this time ,I have heard people say, who are outside of our realm well, it wasn't their baby yet or will they get another referral?
To address the first response it was their baby because it was born in their hearts. We give birth to those children the day we receive their first picture and receive their information. Although, I do not know the experience of being in labor for hours; I do know the joy of seeing my child for the first time. Just like mothers and fathers cry ,when that baby lets out its first cry, adoptive parents cry when they see their child's photo. We carry those photos with us everyone and treat them as if they are a newborn just entering the world. We may not have heard tears or giggles yet, be we know that our child exists and that we love them. Adoptive parents must rely on orphanage workers or foster parents to care and comfort our children until we bring them home. It is painful to know that your child may be hurting, sick, or sad thousands of miles away and you cannot comfort them; so while those workers are up watching over your little one you are up as well wondering if they are getting the love and attention you would be bestowing upon them at that moment. So just as new parents experience lack of sleep; we too experience lack of sleep.
To address the second response in most cases yes you do get another referral. However, you still just lost a child and although I have not experienced this I know nothing could ever replace that baby you lost because they are your child in every sense of the word.
I just needed to share this because I was truly sadden by my friends loss. I know there is peace in knowing that they are with God in heaven and that these children who pass through families lives touch so many here on earth. Although, I never had the privilege of meeting BabyE here on earth I look forward to the day I will see him united with his family in heaven. As a matter of fact I look forward to the day when I see all these children united with the parents who loved them from afar here on earth.